MADE IN GERMANY.

さよなら baby ❥

2012-02-08T13:48:00.000-08:00

Aww Mizuki, finally spreading her wings for the better. Off to Sydney to show UNSW what she is made of. So proud. Too bad she's attending the same uni as her ex, now doesn't that leave a sour taste in your mouth.

Fingers crossed & fighting baby.

CLOSET.
Dress: BELLE. Korea.
Earrings: CHANEL

Cocktails & dreams

2012-02-08T12:33:00.000-08:00

Amazingly, I tend to think & dream much clearer and broader while having a drink. Helps me considerably with my fashion illustrations. Unlike my parents, I have been blessed with a strong resistance to alcohol so I'm not hanging halfway down the toilet by the end of the night.... also, less the infamous Asian red face too which all my colleagues seem to be plagued with.

Perks of being half European I suppose.

I can see it now, me, a flask full of vodka, a shit load [which is an appropriate, standard form of measurement] of paper, pencils, fabrics and accessories, and a half finished design on my male mannequin... all in the comfort of the warm design room at uni.

Mmm... laying in bed, J.ae's - No.5 playing softly on the Bowers &Wilkins ZeppelinAir, day-dreaming about Nathan... I can smell one of my favorite colognes of his on the Sheridan pillow sheets........ so intoxicating.

Lychee & Rose Martini

I am more of a 'Caprioska with extra lime' fan though.

Spring Cleaning

2012-02-07T04:02:00.000-08:00

It feels oh so good to have a clean, organized wardrobe again. Everything smells so crisp and fresh in my 'walk-in'. I finally moved everything into the Master bedroom of my house and am settling down comfortably now that the house is officially mine. I never knew how many clothes and shoes I actually had stored away that I'd never seen/bothered to use. As the title reads, I am Spring cleaning and will be holding an in house 'boutique' sale once I've renovated the interior a bit. Time to share the love - which is basically making my closet mainly full of Japanese, Korean & European brands - available for grabs.

Snidel, Rienda, NINE, MercuryDuo, Rosebullet, Kiki, Style by Shez, Gucci and the list just goes onnnnn and onnnnnn. I personally can't wait to see my wallet fill up with your hard earned money haha.

I know you can't wait to get your hands on my goodies too..... hmm now that doesn't sound right does it.

One half of the wardrobe.

Pinky Rose rabbit fur heeled boots. Tokyo, Japan.

Attempt the improbable.

2012-01-15T04:47:00.000-08:00

I have just close to 8 months to create an awe-inspiring, dynamically mind-blowing fashion portfolio that will rock the QUT fashion boards socks off and hopefully give me that long awaited acceptance letter which sees me into the most prestigious fashion school in Queensland.

I would attempt WHITEHOUSE college of design but it's in Sydney... and I couldn't leave me partner behind. I knooooow.... tsk tsk... MEN! How they can have such a terrible affect on your future... NOT that I'm complaining about this one. ;)

Oh no... here we go.

A New Year & Another year older.

2012-01-09T05:34:00.000-08:00

Nathan, the boy wonder, turned 25! I know! Of all the days to have a birthday. We went on a romantic dinner up on the broadwalk in Brisbane to celebrate both occasions at a stunning, high class, restaurant called VENICE. All I can say is that, it was as if you were transported to the city itself the moment you stepped inside. Having the interior sweep you into a magical world of Venice with its vivid swaying silk fabrics and festive masks lining the ceilings and walls, italian wines spotting the racks attached to each end of the restaurant, waiters in bow ties, well dressed and attentive, trickling antique roman fountains in every corner, a giant sparkling crystal tear drop chandelier in the center sending magnificent rays of all the colors of the rainbow throughout the room. Finally, lets not forget the breath taking scenery of the brisbane river right within our fingertips reach. Oh... it was so beautiful.

5/5 for service. 5/5 for the menu. 5/5 for the visually stimulating interior. I will definitely be going back, even my partner was impressed. We were so impressed, we didn't even flinch at the $350.00 bill at the end of the night, which Nathan refused to let me pay and paid himself.

I had a wonderful time, being held tightly by the love of my life, standing at the edge of the water with thousands of others waiting to bring in a new beginning.

*Up shoot the fireworks*

Happy New Year bloggerteers.

Love Susi

xoxo

Santa baby, hurry down the chimney tonight.

2012-01-09T02:10:00.000-08:00

Its that time of year again. Yule Tide. Smiles. Mistletoe. Presents. Turkey..... near bankruptcy... yes things one usually goes through during the month leading up to Christmas. Santa decided to be generous this year and I received, after tearing 10 metres of wrapping paper apart, a state of the art MixMaster - which, of course benefits Nathan muccccch more than me ;) He also bought me a new vintage style toaster which I love so, SO much!! I had the most amazing day. Up at 6am and already beginning to cook the Barnes Annual Christmas Dinner. I swear when I looked at the christmas tree, I nearly fainted... never seen so many presents in my life. It was most definitely the best Christmas I'd ever had with many, maaaaany more to come now that I'm surrounded by the people I love and who love me.

Hope everyone had themselves a merry little magical Christmas...

I know I did.

I invested in at least a good $400.00 in Christmas decorations alone, $1500.00 on presents and $300.00 on food and drinks haha. I was VERY in to the 'spirit' as you can probably tell.

Beautiful french roses from my Father, with love.

My amazingly gorgeous partner, Nathan.

He has the most beautiful smile.

Santa didn't forget my baby Taebin's present.

My stunning friend Aya!

I'm proud. Mission Accomplished.

Love Susi

xoxo

A toast to all the assholes, douchebags and bastards, who have come in and out of our lives, to get us to where we are today! Cheers!

2011-12-13T19:49:00.000-08:00

So. Looks to me like I'm at it again... Im sure some of you are curious to know exactly what happened. Well I pretty much died. Then, by some unforeseen life force, I was given a second chance to make things right. So I guess all of you are entitled to the truth through my eyes seeing as everyone else seems to have created a version for themselves to spread around the Asian community. I won't hold back the details ... be wary though, this post may shock a few of you.

Cutting to the chase, apart from a VERY rocky start to the year, and an extremely dramatic one at that, I'm finally back in first gear, on my feet and getting some fresh perspective into my veins. Holy moly have I had the most interesting year of my life I don't know where to begin! Shall I take you back in time? Lets start from the beginning of last year, yes, alllll the way back to when my perfect little life was about to be shattered into a million daggers ready to hit me all at once.

2010.

There were two men in my life at that time. Terry and Shota. Terry, one of my best friends [ who would have made my life so much easier if he had been gay, but no, he had to be straight] was giving me a helping hand in coming to terms with the fact that Shota was beginning to cast his fishing line further out to sea. I KNOW. Ba bam! Shock of the century. Everyone thought we were in the perfect, loving, relationship, but, every relationship has some form of a skeleton in the closet. It all started with me wanting more companionship from someone who cared because my ex was failing to satisfy me in terms of... well the man could never seem to conceive an answer to a question greater than YES or NO or GOOD or BAD. At that time I needed someone to talk to about everyday things, the fact that my father had married a 16 year old... I just needed someone who could hold an intelligent conversation. Is that so much to ask for? Plus he never paid for anything after the first year. Plus he was always playing World of Warcraft in his spare time... which was the majority of the day seeing as he quit his engineering degree. Plus he never helped me pay for rent to live with him, he never offered. Plus he never had a future career path constructed and PLUS he worked at a karaoke joint as a bartender and was probably very happy doing that up until the day he karks it and gets buried 6ft under. I tell you what - put up with that for more than three years and I'd happily dig my own grave. IIII don't know whether it was me, maybe I was a fcking terrible girlfriend, if I was I am so sorry Shota, I hope you've found someone better now, I really do, or, maybe it was him - or the dog. I don't know. I don't know what went wrong but whatever it was, I thank whoever is up there everyday for the way things turned out. Back to Terry, Oh don't worry I'd never sleep with my best male friend. I considered it once but ended up shuddering at the idea and making my subconscious self jump off a cliff before that ever happened. Friends are friends, cross the invisible threshold and kaboom, end of friendship forever. How girls are able to look at a best friend they slept with the same way again always amazed me. If you can do that... good on you! go out there and sleep with as many FWBs as you can!!

So although I did not sleep with him, we did end up kissing. Out of loneliness. At some so called, self proclaimed high end clubbing event called GCUFO. I know. What a dreadful mumbojumbo of letters. To this day I STILL have no idea what it stands for. I tell you what, I don't know if it was the 5 tequilas and 2 vodkas I had consumed but it was one hell of a kiss and I prefer not to get into too much detail because its irrelevant and I couldn't care less. Lucky we stopped after 2 minutes because as if it was his entrance cue, Shota walked right up to us, more like stomped actually, yes, stomped right up to me and told me to come home at once at which, like an obedient puppy, i did. I guess he didn't see us kissing. Why did I do it? Well. At that time, I was lonely and rumors were being spread about Shota seeing another woman, which, was true in a sense, seeing as all I saw on his phone was messages and calls from her day in day out. Sometimes she called late at night and he would lock himself into another room so as not to let me hear the conversation. Well of course I couldn't. I couldn't understand a bloody word the moron was saying because it was all in Japanese. This CRAP with the phone calls and deleted messages and secret meetings lasted about 2 months before paranoia overcame me and I blew my top and went completely psychotic, accusing him of cheating on me, which he brushed off and said I was thinking too much. 4 more times of this saw his hand connect with my face in Surfers Paradise were he left me crying on the ground before reappearing above me 10mins later to comfort me by saying that I was overeacting and there was nothing he could do but snap me out of my state by hitting me and that because of what I did, I deserved it. Everything went back to normal and we 'loved' each other again... it was a little longer this time mind you. I ended up meeting the girl and she confirmed everything I suspected but denied sleeping with him. After that I just waved it off thinking that decent girlfriends would give a second chance.

Being the first man I ever loved, and being my first REAL relationship, and yes, I did love you back then, so much that I did anything and everything for you and I considered this the total norm of what a relationship would go through - I didn't know that was a load of shit until after it all ended.

So anyway, because I had chosen Shota over Terry, Terry found it in himself to delete his very existence out of my life. If you're reading this. I am so sorry. You don't understand how sorry I am. For all the hurt I caused you. I shouldn't have done that. I know. But at that time I do believe I was in love with you but it couldn't work out. It just couldn't and although this seems like an immaculately well made cliche love story written to wow the crowd, it isn't. What I felt was real but it could never be. I thought I would let you know, and I'm sure that my fellow bloggateers who followed me at that time understand exactly when I say that for seven months, I mopped and cried over you. Sending you subliminal blogging messages to tell you how I felt. Depression hung like a storm cloud over my shoulders and I refused to eat food because you chose to stay away. After 3 months... I weighed 40kgs and the only pleasure i got was vomiting up my food knowing that the next day I'd weigh less and feel pretty for a split second. Anyway... that kiss was the catalyst for the end of my relationship with Shota

That boys story ends there and now I'm onto the next chapter.

My relationship was already on thin ice by the time I met Daniel. A Taiwanese boy... wow what IS it with Taiwanese boys. He was a quick 2 month fling but he and his conceited, smart yet insidious friend Dennis were probably what caused the break up on new years eve no matter how much I try to deny it.

Daniel, daniel daniel.... sigh... where to start! Sweet. He was a very sweet, frigid boy... yes boy... he sure wasn't a man in my opinion, far too scared to stand up for himself. Daniel is younger than me. And yes before we go any further, it's the same Daniel as the one in my photos I took where I attended the Klub Kandy Christmas Party. You'll see them in my old post. He was a dish wasn't he. Considered the best looking asian male on the coast. Didn't I score! Very cute. But warning, warningggg!... looks are deceiving!

We first met at MEMORY, some third rate asian clubbing event on the coast, known for its shit music and asian wannabes. Oooooh I'm going to get some haters here! I can see it now. The owner, named after a well known muscle building supplement powder, probably doesn't look too happy right about now. It was my birthday and Shota and I had had a fight, great day to have one, and I just wanted to let lose a bit because apparently I'm a bit of a tightass. So he bought me a few drinks and had me down my first ABC shot. God awful green liquid. It's disgusting but gets the work done. Daniel got me successfully drunk that night, as he had promised, and being the gentleman he is, took care of me until I staggered back to Shotas hairdressers car [Mazda rx8] and ended up getting knocked out until 5pm the next day. I admit. It was a great night. After that Shota and my relationship just headed down hill, if it could even go anymore downhill than it was. I ended up going clubbing more and Daniel and I hung out more and more. I'm sure it was pretty obvious to many that we were seeing each-other. Wasn't rocket science. Shota kept coming home later and later thanks to the karaoke joints brand new! spectaculary tacky! hostess bar! You can probably guess what he was doing. But I realised something. I didn't care. and not caring only means one thing - no love.

Daniel was adorable and I really did like him. Apart from that. Quite attractive. I'd sneak out to watch him play basketball matches at TSS as requested by him and hung out with his sister, who is a really nice girl. So we started to get to know each-other, unfortunately his English isn't that great so there was a language barrier. I knowww, you'd think so many years at an $25,000 per term, english speaking private boys institution would have improved his vocabulary. But lets get down to the dirty because I bet you want to know what 'happened'

We first kissed at KK. He's a great kisser. Yes, he knew I had a boyfriend - it never stopped him. We hung out at his house a lot watching movies and having late night McChucks runs while he asked me about my boring relationship and why shota wasn't treating me like a boyfriend should. This went on for about a month before a clubbing event up in Brisbane saw me drag my friend up there to party. Daniel was there and I don't know what it was that night but something was going to happen. I could feeeeeel it. By the end of the night I messaged Daniel and asked him what was happening and if he wanted to see me, in which he replied he did... Jess and I drove back to the coast around 4am and i dropped her off at her house. She knew that something was going on. Before I left I still remember her words so clearly... Don't do anything stupid that you'll regret, in reply I stated that what she was thinking was a ridiculous notion and that she didn't have to worry because I wasn't an idiot and I'd never let it happen ... famous last words - had never been so understated.

So I went to Daniels house and he welcomed me with open arms. I'm guessing you want to know what happened next? Diddddd we have sex? ddddidn't we? .......

Yes - we had sex. Right on his big brothers bed too, and, according to Mr. Chapter 3, it's where he takes his other girls he's secretly had... and just as quickly as it started - it finished. I know. I know what your thinking. Huh?! I didn't even have time to enjoy it. He sweats like a full running tap as well. It was disgusting. Apart from being close to what you'd call a premature ejaculator he was a full blown free for all shower. Well, there we go. Didn't I say looks can be deceiving! So apart from that it all spiraled down hill from there. 4 weeks later we weren't even talking. I'm guessing it was either the fact he came, he saw, he conquered, or, whether it was his friends whom kept whispering shit in his ear about me. Christmas came and we didn't even look at each-other except when giving one and the other gifts. I bought him a $1500 Le Bron signed basketball. He bought me a giant plush Christmas teddy bear which I gave to my dog as a chew toy. That's the end of Chapter 2.

New years eve saw the official break up of Shota and I. It took less than 5minutes for the majority of the Asian population on the coast to know. However it took me 2 months to realize he was doing exactly the same thing I had only he had actually started dating a hostess girl 1 week before the official break up. And according to his own friends, Shota was seeing girls through out the whole year and the only person who didn't know because she was too blind to see - was me. So well .... I was pretty much shattered but I can't expect much as I must admit I was just as bad to have slept with another man during our so called 'relationship'. Karmas a bitch isn't it. So after that I pretty much packed up and left, but not after begging him 3 times to take me back. I know, I know, why did I do that stupid girl? Well, when you're in a long term relationship, and, unlike your ex who had a broad waiting for him at the end, you break up, you're the one all alone having to fend for yourself. It's a scary thought, being alone. He made me feel that I could never find someone else like him. That I was worthless and ugly. I went to Max Brenners everyday for 2 weeks with my best spooning buddy, Jessica, she comforted me through the night when I felt at my lowest. I gained 6kgs. I broke down 8 times. In the middle of those break downs I overdosed on Endone and didn't wake up for 22hrs. My father comforted me but knew his limits, it was tearing him up inside to see me rip myself apart. But he helped me pull myself back together and told me there's nothing left but to pick yourself up and keep moving forward. I realized that it wasn't so much the person I missed terribly, but the routine, the waking up next to the other every morning. To have it suddenly stripped away was a heart wrencher. Keep moving forward. Only you can do that. Either choose to stay stuck in relationship purgatory or get out there and make something of yourself... and... that's just what I did... and that's when I met my first, and LAST, rebound.

2011.

Chapter 3, known as Darren... ah, yes, that messed up catastrophe, should have listened to Amy when I had the chance... thought it appropriate to rip my hair out because I put a picture of him studying at uni up on Facebook without his consent [apparently I was hurting his ex's feelings] - Well he isn't even worth writing about because he's an absolute nut case who plays it by the book, rolls around in his second hand Range thinking he's so good pumping out whiz kalifa, probably selling coke, crying over and over again about his on and off girlfriend Sally and sleeping with another girl called Marianne up in Brisbane. I don't wanna go there. It got to the point where I didn't care enough about him to give a shit once we went our separate ways. Funny thing is he came back from Thailand, didn't let me know, one week later - accused me of saying shit about him, which honestly, I have every right to you spineless dick, then proceeded to apologize after another week, calling me up and saying no hard feelings, I don't want to part with anger.. anger? that's a fucking understatement. And than a few days later sent a txt saying I miss you.... WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS GUY? Geezus crist I've never met anyone so bi-polar. I was livid, at myself, for being such a moron and letting him use me. He was only a rebound, and, a good one at that! because after him I was so fucking fed up with men in general - I successfully forgot about all the men in my past and kicked myself for being so stupid. Thanks to him I wanted nothing more to do with them. Sleezy, dirty, uncaring, ugly bastards. Lesson learnt. Don't ever stoop so low as to date a guy that comes up to you at a club.

Lets just say January 2011 through to April 2011 was the toughest, loneliest time I'd ever had. But hey! It was worth it. I became more independent, got another job, started racking in some dough for once!! Not spending it on incapable men! and I began to make new friends. I soon began to realize that wow, life having only yourself isn't as bad as you think it is. After 3 years of being blinded by irrational Mr. Love. I was finally starting to see what I had been missing out on, and, it was a LOT. Everything was getting back on track and I was starting to see everything more clearly. That is until. I met a boy. Actually not a boy. A man. A REAL man at that.

His name is Nathan. Unexplainable. Words can't even begin to DESCRIBE who or what he was. He really took my breath away. He was an angel sent down for me at my lowest... maybe karma repays you in a kind way after beating you down down down to your lowest I don't know but when I saw him something inside me started beating again. It took Nathan a good 4 months to grab my attention because although he had been managing the restaurant next to my work place, I never once gave him a single look of recognition. I was pretty much a working zombie. Eat sleep work cry put on replay everyday. When I did notice his existence, he thought I was a stuck up stupid blonde princess and I thought he had a stick lodged so far up his peking duck ass that it was impossible to remove. Yes. We didn't like eachother to begin with. I actually didn't even know his name until after my work mate Mizuki had told me and only after THAT did I realize that he was the asshole who txted Mizuki to let her know that he and his mates were LMAOing so much because I had gone head over ass at a nightclub 3 months back.

But after all the monotonous hellos and goodbyes, after Mr. Chapter 3 came to an end I just needed someone to talk to and there he was in all his glory. Hahaha. He asked me out for a quick coffee and we ended up having that quick coffee from 10pm to 4am in the morning. We talked about anything and everything there was to talk about and oh my god does this man talk! Not only does he talk he actually KNOWS WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT! This man is INTELLIGENT and best yet, he is absolutely handsome, sauve, sexy oh my gosh I'm blushing just typing about him. He has this smile which ends all smiles. I then began to show him a little kindness and after a while cupid was hovering over me again. He was a gentlemen. He's basically a male version of me and I a female version of him... he's everything a close-to-perfect man can be, no he's NOT perfect, there's no such thing and men and women have to come to terms with this or you're going to be very lonely searching for something non existent for the rest of your life. He opens the car door for me EVERYTIME, and the sex? AH-MAY-ZING. None of the other 3 compare. Yes I've only slept with 3 men in my life and Nathan is the fourth and final. He studied at the Australian National University finishing his Finance degree at the top of the class. He works at GUCCI, manages a restaurant and is a piano teacher on the side. I know, impressive right. ;) How I snagged him. Still gets me today. I'm so grateful for everything that has happened in order to get to this point in time. I'm so in love with him, like I've never loved before. We now live together happily with our little boy Taebin - which is my baby Samoyed! Hopefully traveling to Europe next year as we both have a taste for adventure. This chapter, I know, will be a long one... because everyday feels as if the story has just begun... :)

So looks like we're headed towards the end of the longest post yet. I just wanted to say a little thank-you, no, a HUGE thank-you, thank-you SO much! To all you LOSERS, to all you JERKS who've trampled over my heart for your better amusement. Because without you spineless dogs, I wouldn't be where I am today. I'm having the most amazing time now, knowing that everyone now knows the truth instead of the bullshit that has been spread around to deface me. I hope you all have a miserable, shitty and unhappy ending to the rest of your life! I feel so much better having lifted off the weight that was tying me down all year. Cheers!

Her Outfit

Dress: Carla Zampatti

Bag: Hermes Kelly Pochette

His Outfit

Suit: Armani Collenzioni

Tie: Hugo Boss

Love you all.

Susi

"It's a sin, a big sin... to be so beautiful."~ B.Bogocz

2010-12-09T12:20:00.000-08:00

Photographer: SEJ

Photoshoot: Versace

Model: R. Mayer

These past rainy days...

2010-12-06T12:51:00.001-08:00

어느새 너는 내 곁을 점점 더.. 떠나가 시간은 점차 딴 곳으로... 훌쩍 흘러가 내가 알던 너의 모습은..대체 누군가 자꾸만 낯선 사람의, 느낌은 왜 그럴까 왜 말을 못해?

@ ARENA. Memory Event.

These past rainy days...

2010-12-06T12:45:00.000-08:00

Rainy days rainy days now that you've gone far away, my raindrops pouring down my eyes, you know I'll never be okay. Don't fade away, fade away, don't you know I'm missing you? Here it slowly falls again. Every day and night as I open my eyes.

Modeling for beautiful Amy Tsai's AIMS make-up and hair. : ) These are some of the official photos by Summerlily Photography, who is one very talented photographer.

These past rainy days...

2010-12-06T12:38:00.000-08:00

I've been a complete fatty. McChucks TWICE this week.... 1 x apple pie 1 x large fries 10x chicken nuggets 1 x Oreo mcFlurry and 4 Meiji chocolate bars all in 2 days....... I'm really going to hell. My legs and arms shall suffer immensely.

Hey hey poster girl~

2010-11-25T15:55:00.000-08:00

At Klub Kandy end of year Christmas Party. Had the time of my life~ and this time I looked after Daniel. I'm apparently a VIP, therefore direct entry, didn't have to wait 3 hours in the KK line. Saw Trazy Au Yeung, Felix Lau, JC, Queenie Ho, Pohan Lin, others lol can't really remember... Daniels ABC shot on an empty stomach for the night killed me... and I was driving. = =' DJ played my songgggg that I requested. So happy haha and at 3am I drove back and evaded the red patrol. Thank god.

Spring Mushroom

2010-11-14T18:04:00.000-08:00

I really do think I look like a giant hairy shroom. Had my hair colored, washed, treated, blow dried and styled by my Russian hairstylist who manages MODSHAIR in Circle on Cavill. She is just amazing. Well worth the bank breaking amount that popped up onto the screen at the end. Visit their site to have a better understanding of their concept and different methods of styling hair.

You're so spasticated.

2010-11-14T17:55:00.000-08:00

Squishykawa's form of humor... which I do not find humorous at all. Yes, guessed right, it's bubble tea he successfully lodged up my right nostril.

Cheap Meiji Chocolate.

2010-11-14T17:51:00.000-08:00

That's right chocolate fans. I have the last batch of IKEA chocolate in my hands. I've been told shipment is discontinuing possibly. No one knows when new stock will arrive. So being the fashionable pig I am... I purchased 20 bars... consuming 1 every day. 14 down. 6 to go. I have to cherish these last few bars...

God of all heels.

2010-11-14T17:35:00.000-08:00

Yves Saint Laurent.

You are my hero.

Your heels save girls, like me, from being vertically challenged.

Not the best picture. I will take a clearer one soon.

It's so shiny.

2010-11-14T17:17:00.000-08:00

Thank-you Grandmama.

Welcome to my wardrobe.

2010-11-09T13:59:00.001-08:00

Yes. I have it.

The Hermes Medor Clutch in GP Palladium HW black box leather.

My life is complete.

The Perfect Wind-Breaker...

2010-11-09T13:22:00.000-08:00

Has Burberry written all over it. Finally! Received it after what felt like years of intensely painful waiting. It is light therefore perfect for Spring and Autumn nights or when the whether gets that tad more chilly!

Noir.
Beautiful.
Modest.
Sexy.

Also purchased my gorgeous Dianne Von Furstenberg dress. I adore it, oh my gosh, it was most definitely more exquisite holding it in my hands then I expected. This silk dress is PERFECT. Snaps up tonight!! Next on my list. Burberry Prorsum fleece aviator jacket and boots. I plan to purchase both come next winter. I'm getting quite excited in receiving my Yves Saint Laurent Tributes! They are due to arrive this week!

Elegance is key.

2010-10-26T04:37:00.000-07:00

Just did some major shopping ; ) Double breasted Burberry windbreaker in black, one pair of black leather YSL tributes and a Donna Von Furstenberg dress... Oh so spoiled. My Klub Kandy outfit. Being a girl who despises showing too much, this is the perfect outfit. Super sexy, super elegant, leaves some thought to a mans imagination. I went for draped chiffon this time. Leave the bodycon at home. Have to wait for it to be shipped to me from The States first. Hopefully it's what I expect on me. Perils of online luxury shopping.

Halloween

2010-10-20T19:25:00.000-07:00

Maybe I'll go as a vampire.... Draculas... ex-wife. Lol. I need to buy some good quality fangs pronto!

Hmm.... you wouldn't think the girl above is the girl below would you.

Marie Antoinettes dark side.

2010-10-19T05:49:00.001-07:00

Amy and I spent Saturday deciding what to do with my face. This is what we came up with : ) We are so going to whoop ass at the Memory Halloween competition on the 31st of October.

Sundays photo-shoot at The Australian Institute of Creative Design.

Hair and Make-up artist: Amy Tsai

Model: Me

Rich Baby.

2010-10-19T01:28:00.000-07:00

"She might have the Vivi look.... but baby, you're VOGUE."

So tired.... just came back from the Rich Baby photo-shoot in Coopers Plains. My first paid shoot!! I'm so proud. Thank-you so much for choosing me as your poster girl Lucy Chen & Mini Jiang~ I think there is a possibility that the photos will disappoint you though : ( I think I'll look horrid. There are much more beautiful girls out there.

Here is the club event. : ) I'm not sure when or if I'll come out on the poster yet.

Hung-over Twenties.

2010-10-17T20:43:00.001-07:00

We all love that word don't we? For the first time in my life, I had past the tipsy boundary and progressed to level: Completely SMASHED. I still haven't reached the notorious hangover stage... therefore I think I'm still drunk. Here is what I wrote on my Facebook wall hahaha.

"... I was drunk for the first time in my life last night. I have learnt 3 things. Number 1. Don't ever drink with Tracy Yeung and Felix Lau, Daniel Tsai and cool sidekick friend [AKA. Murph Tsao]. Number 2. Don't drink 2 x ABC shots in a row.. after 5 x B52s, 2 x T-shots, 2 x V. Lemons & 1x J-bomb. Number 3. Don't tell your boss you'll be in nice and early at 6:30am after consuming the above... because you can guarantee your sweet ass that aint' going to happen.

Thankyou so much for a wonderful birthday everyone~ I really did have a great night at Memory.... and I'm so sorry to Daniel for becoming such an embarrassment!!! Thank-you for staying and taking care of me~ You should have left me alone... I'll have to reciprocate the favor. : ( I promise I'll never do it again.... and don't say famous last words. My head feels like it got hit with a sledgehammer and I'm possibly still drunk..... oh my god no one mention alcohol today please... I'm going to be sick."

非常感谢♥

2010-10-16T04:47:00.000-07:00

I received a very big surprise from Amy Tsai while we were looking at the cosmetics in the DFS Galleria. Thank-you so much for the early birthday present. I can't wait to give you yours~ Amy introduced me to cosmetic brand YSL today. I think I adore it more than Chanel now. Fard A Levres Rouge Pur Pure Lipstick - Developed with an exclusive pigment treatment system that cares for your lips while delivering color in its purest state. This innovative formulations perfects the condition of your lips. Protected with an SPF 8. Silky. Hydrating. Long-lasting. It's much more vivid and applies so well to the lips. I give it a high five in lipsticks. I'm going for a peachy Spring & Summer palette~ Everything in my vanity seems to have a tinge of soft orange blossom to it. We went to checkout and Amy surprised me by whipping out her card and paying for everything before I had the chance to stop her. I am so grateful. Thankyou.

I had such a fun day.

Oh Mickey you're so fine.

2010-10-15T08:43:00.001-07:00

~ You're so fine, you blow my mind.~

Where are you hiding beautiful blue sky?

Patchiko.

|| The Outfit ||

Sweater: Free's Phrase by Free's Shop

Denim: Sportsgirl

Bag: Chanel 2.55 Medium in Rouge.

Worn with Tony Bianco thigh high suede leather boots in black.

Time for bed? Spending the day with Amy Tsai tomorrow~

Cooler than the flip-side of my pillow.

2010-10-12T07:04:00.000-07:00

~ Somehow you come along just a like a flower poking through the side walk crack, and, you steal away the rain just like that. ~

Hey Spring and Summer - Get ready for me to rock your socks.

|| The Outfit ||

Blouse: Sportsgirl. $59.95

Bottoms: Sportsgirl. $69.95

Necklace: RUNWAY. Korea.

Socks: Korea

Magazine: ACNE PAPER - Only two imported to the Coast and I have one.

[Oㅍ _ ㅍO]

2010-10-10T19:08:00.000-07:00

I'm hungry... and bed logged....... what to do...?

Yummy... I made home cooked nabe!

Cuttlefish balls are cute haha~

粉

2010-10-09T18:34:00.001-07:00

An extremely LIGHT pink which is acceptable. You'd never see me wear hot pink of my own accord. If I do so happen to have hit my head and am wearing the disgusting color, I give you full permission to slap me in the face.

Shota thinks my top reminds him of paper mashe', that delicate slice of think paper material we would rip up and roll in our hands to stick on our shabby but epic hand made pigs back in the days of kindergarten, or, apparently it resembles recycled newspaper. That mushy looking stuff you get when recycle-ists throw it in water and mix it around with a mechanical paddle............. when I think of it... my partner is pretty imaginative... in a limited sense.

Received more spring/summer ViVi clothing from Japan!! Convenient to have contacts there ~

I am presently, deeply in love with the brand - Gelato Pique.

|| The OUTFIT ||

Headband: Diva

Earrings: Jenny's Accessories. Korea.

Top: Gelato Pique. Japan.

Just realized... a Hong Kong based importer of Japan ViVi Magazine ie. Murua, Snidel, Greed, Rosebullet, Gelato Pique etc. clothing... are using my photos as model photos for their clothing to help their customers out.

Bittersweet 20.

2010-10-03T07:52:00.000-07:00

Birthday in 14 days : )

The big 2 0

And I still fail at choosing which life road to take.

All the more fun.

Good-bye surreal, dreamy, unforgettably immature teenage years.

Good-bye tragic love stories of which the Final Chapter will never be written.

Good-bye to the family, friends and people who trampled my heart with their unique ambience and personality of whom I will possibly never have the pleasure of setting eyes on again.

These past idyllic adolescent years have been torture and bliss.

The beautifully cruel adult world, we all dread with anticipation and curiosity, awaits me, with open arms and a sinister smile.

|| The OUTFIT ||

Top: Jens Pirate Booty. Japan.

Bottom: Rienda. Japan

Boots: Tony Bianco

Bag: Louis Vuitton Neverfull Damier

Accessories: Vintage. Korea

Girl with the scarlet stained smile.

2010-10-02T21:15:00.000-07:00

Meet the Model that eats.

2010-10-02T20:55:00.000-07:00

I'm fed up with airbrushing and retouching my facial features.

Finally, I'm embracing my flaws.

Good-bye Liquify.

You're about to see a whole new side to me. Stay tuned.

|| The OUTFIT ||

Top: Sportsgirl. GC.

Love your skin.

2010-09-30T19:38:00.001-07:00

Switch to Mineral make-up. It gives your skin a new life and plenty of oxygen.

I've started on a new one I purchased at Pure Indulgence for $79.00. No excess oil, no break-outs, NO pimples.

It's heaven in a little jar. I.D Bare Minerals.

PS: I am sure you can get it much cheaper online or on eBay. Pure Indulgence is overpriced on all there products. I'm astounded by the amount of profit they make monthly. Disgusting.

"Hey Susi... you're in the newspaper."

2010-09-29T06:27:00.000-07:00

Design students wow at Fashion Friday

Milena Stojceska | September 28th, 2010

Susi Mayer looks glam poolside

DESIGN students were put under the pump at last week's Fashion Friday at the Temple Lounge Bar.

The latest designs from the Australian Institute of Creative Design (AICD) certificate were paraded by three students on the catwalk for family, friends and the fashion savvy to admire.

Local models were selected to undergo hair, make-up and choreography all organised by AICD students.

Design student Brooke Hutchesson, 22, said it was a great chance to experience the pressure of high-end fashion parades.

"It's pretty intense - a very big day, but it's been disaster free and a lot of fun backstage," she said.

The students were also given experience in organising the parade, as well as accessorising the outfits and models.

Temple will host a month of parades during Fashion November each Sunday night of the entire month, giving more students a chance to experience the pressure of the industry.

Australian Institute of Creative Design S/S Fashion Show

2010-09-26T16:54:00.000-07:00

Well it's over and done now! An amazing night with A.I.M.S stylist Amy Tsai, who is an absolutely amazing and wonderful woman, basically friend now :D We were able to compact 20 years of life into a 1 hour chat lol. After spending more than 14 straight hours in 6"inch heels I think I have the right to say that I am one invincible woman lol. Amy's family came to support their daughter. Adorable! Too bad we couldn't go to the Gucci Event that was commencing that night! : (

The models were all beautiful and the dresses just to die for. It was all just perfect. Can't explain it anymore than that.

We all went to G-clef afterwards to celebrate a successful night~

Jak, Me, Amy and Daniel :)

The designer, Sarah Hultman.

Jak's friend Shaun haha.

Backstage before show, having pictures taken for The Bulletin... I think? Lol.

Mirror Mirror on the wall...

2010-09-22T08:39:00.001-07:00

Susi attended the Mirror Mirror Agency Launch Party. Tonight. You would not BELIEVE the numerous 180cm women at this event. Extreme blow to my self esteem... there legs were the length of my body. Freaks on nature. More happy snaps soon... I am too tired.

Went with Tracy and Jessica... and also met my most favorite photographer Rachel May Tan :)

It's. NOT. Working.

2010-09-20T05:15:00.000-07:00

That's it. I'm sick of being fat. I've tried the healthy way for 1 month and it's not working... at least I don't see any physical changes... just that I'm fatter. Fck you healthy diet. I'm starving myself again. Fruit and salad only. No sugar. No saturated fats. NO FRIED FOOD. Diet shakes to replace daily meals, or breakfast or dinner if I hit rock bottom desperate. MY LEGS AREN'T GETTING ANY SMALLER!!!!! #%$#!$! Even with partially consistent exercise my legs look like they are getting BIGGER AND THICKER! I've also put on an inch around my waist! It's not 23" anymore is 24" : ( And my arms and face are getting fatter.

PS: This putting on weight might actually have to do with the fact that I am on the pill for my acne.............. I want to go off it. :( But I don't want to go back on and have to suffer 1 month of hormones painfully readjusting my body to that of a pregnant woman. First month and a half all I remember doing was having an insatiable appetite for fatty foods every 5 minutes.... dizziness and fatigue every second..... hot and cold flushes every night... then putting up with throwing up every single morning before and AT work.... plus it cost $85.00 for 3 months supply. Time goes fast... trust me.

It seems these days the only way to get skinny is to eat nothing or go under the knife - Like the majority of girls on the Gold Coast. Sigh.

Persist and be rewarded.

2010-09-17T19:10:00.000-07:00

I named him Stumpy II. After my nickname - Jiggly-stumps.

We all know the Time-zone games are rigged to the max. Well any game center would be rigged to the max, so I've been told you are more likely to win at the Casino then you would at Time-zone haha. As well as that, it is so obvious to know when you are about to win something. I forked out $12 for this Japanland made Baby Pooh-bear. Oh well, it was worth it : ) People wanted to go on it after me... not until I win what's rightfully mine! I spent time with my best half-cast buddy Issa. He is such a lovely boy. I adore him and his non-stop humour~ After I won my bear.. being a Friday, there were a lot of drunk kids walking around Surfers who kept following us asking how I got the bear... my grip was tightening because I swear they were going to rip it out of my hands. Hell no! I didn't pay $12.00 to lose my bear, touch the bear and I'll Muay Thai your asses back to where ever the hell you came from.

The sweater I am wearing was actually something I bought for my partner 2 days ago... but he didn't like it........ It's a $200.00 KSUBI sweater! Come on! [T T].... any other partner would be thrilled that their girlfriend considers them when they go shopping and buys them high end fashion. Obviously not my partner. Absolute unfashionable ass. Oh well, it goes in my wardrobe~ you all already know that I like wearing guys clothing, so nothing unusual there~ I really liked this sweater.... I thought it would have looked amazing on him. I'm trying to get my partner to dye his hair back to black. I am so, so, so, so, so tired of guys trying to be cool with there wannabe-brown-but-too-bad-for-you-cause-your-asian turned orange hair. Really looks like a carrot~

I'm sorry it's such a bad photo.

|| TheOUTFIT ||

Top: Ksubi

Heels: Yves Saint Laurent Obi.

I lost my wings.

2010-09-17T18:30:00.000-07:00

I've always wondered why it's called a cat-walk... The dress is really creative. But there are quite a few flaws... see where those pink straps cross over my bust? Well they are suppose to magically stay at the right place to hide my you know what hahaha. It's not going to work. She made the straps to long so they become loose. The material is silk? I am guessing, I don't really know much about the dress to be honest. I was just chosen to model it by Amy Tsai who studies at AICD : ) A very beautiful make-up artist and hair stylist~

Haha that photo in the background of a child... was me in Germany~ I loved my Jumpsuit.

Incurable Addiction

2010-09-15T04:22:00.001-07:00

|| The OUTFIT ||

Boater: RaynLei. Korea.

Dress: Snidel. Japan

Bag: Chanel 2.55 Classic. Germany.

Bracelet: Hermes enamel cuff & Chanel camellia and pearl bracelet.

Heels: Steve Madden. USA.

Yes... that is a giant panda head there....

To collecting VIP membership cards at every store that has a membership system - usually requires me to purchase items equalling a certain amount. Prime example: L'Occitane. Being a member for them equals you forking out $500.00 dollars initially then spending a certain amount a year to keep it valid.

I visited the newly opened eCosway store in Southport. It was actually really nice. The products however... I don't really know if they are good quality or just plain average. The majority of the beauty products and health foods in that store come from Malaysia... yet I think it is owned by a Hong Kong or Taiwanese... or Chinese couple.

I purchased make up wipes, shower gels and body lotions to give it a try. They smell wonderful... especially the mens shower gel for my partner. The body lotion I bought for myself is now giving me a headache because it's too floral - stinking out the joint. I saw something that I had been looking for, for a very long time - Rosehip oil. Yes... a mandatory item every woman needs in her vanity draw. Miranda Kerr uses it.... enough said.

There is a wonderful Asian groceries right next to eCosway!!! I mean realllllllly good :D The register girl is so, so, so nice. I think she is pretty too haha. I was only in to have a look.... then walked out with 3 plastic bags full of snack, drinks and lollies... oh and roasted chestnuts. can't live without those! I'm addicted to them as well :D

Haha I am such a kid. I eat so much kiddy snacks.

Past coincidental now.

2010-09-15T02:51:00.000-07:00

Every-time I believe I've finally overcome the hurt, and forgotten your existence... you always seem to walk back into my life, whether it be yourself or through a third party.... because of this... all the pain I thought I'd locked away comes back to knock me down. Again... and again... and again. I'm starting to think you enjoy seeing me in agony......... I don't know who you are anymore.

You're nothing more than a shell, the ghost of the person whom I so stupidly gave part of my weak heart to.

I like to fork myself...

2010-09-12T05:21:00.000-07:00

Full of food occasionally.

Actually I don't think there's never a time when I'm NOT eating. Spent the day shooting with Eimi : ) Such a beautiful, shy, quiet girl haha~ I need to take up her NO SUGAR. NO DESSERT. NO SWEETS. NO FAT. attitude - Hence why the girl is super duper skinny skinny skinny!!!..... but that would mean..... NO REAL FOOD! ........ absolutely out of the question. I spent one hour shooting her at Madam Tojo, one hell of an inspirational place for artists, photographers, designers, anyone with an open imagination. Trust me. The interior... god I wish it was my room. The owner told me decorating was her hobby. There is some unparalleled talent in this woman. I probably ended up bugging her due to the fact I'd stayed there past closing time shoveling $9.00 slice of cheesecake down my throat. It's located in Chirn Park. Madam Tojo is famous for it's home made dessert and breakfasts. : ) The cheesecake was sinfully delicious. .... my legs are suffering unspeakable pain.

One very beautiful young girl to my right : )

I absolutely HATE white chocolate. It disgusts me........ but this was an exception. I could barely taste it so... thumbs up!

How to say 'Cheers' in Spanish.... I like to display my muscular man shoulders to the world allllll the time.

|| The OUTFIT ||

Top: Swordfish.

Bottoms: LOVER

Heels: Steve Madden Oxfords

Bag: CHANEL

Upcoming

2010-09-11T14:44:00.000-07:00

When suffering from an absolutely shitty week at work... I think you are entitled to splurge on a retail therapy session... so I graced Hermes whom is always managed by this crabby-needs-to-get-laid Korean lady. The minute you push through the golden brass doors the different leather smells attack your nose.

May be going to the A.I.C.D Fashion Design Show on the 24th this month. If you don't already know about it, I suggest you tag along. It is at the Temple Bar in Surfers Paradise. I have been given the chance to see sneak previews of what will be walked down the runway. The potential dress that I my body may accompany is stunningly gorgeous. It was actually put into the running for the Flair Awards by the designer. I am having issues figuring out what to wear for the rest of the night though.... a stylish Moroccan, simplified jumpsuit or a body conscious light pink halter wrap number... Here are some pictures below... I'm still deciding on the jacket... Last time I was asked to walk the Temple catwalk it was hot and humid and all I wore was a top and shorts hahaha.... I'd like a nice Dolman Bolero to accompany though... Mmm still deciding... all in process at the moment : ) Things can always change last minute.

My life is sunshine, lollipops and rainbows - Thank-you Natalie.

2010-09-04T08:44:00.000-07:00

❤

It's Spring.

Everything that's wonderful is what I feel when we're together. Brighter than a lucky penny.
When you're near the rain cloud disappears and I feel so fine just to know that you are mine.

What shall tomorrow hold. : )

Thank-you for all your thoughts and concerns about my hectic relationship. All my beautiful friends and all you beautiful bloggers. One in particular person... an extremely sincere, kind and caring woman who chose to write to me in her own time, commenting on my relationship which opened my eyes and ended up making me cry over my keyboard.. then in the shower... then on my pillow - Her name is Natalie - to whom I am forever grateful.

There's a timebomb inside me...

2010-08-31T04:07:00.000-07:00

I wonder when it will explode...

Deep deep sighhhhhhhhhhh. I thought it would be nice to make him a gourmet salad and take it to him at work tonight because I really felt like making him smile... I arrived their really happy to see him, and all he did was complain that I was late, thanked me for my salad, ate it, said it was good... and for the next 10mins complained about how late I was.

I think he's clueless that, even though he may be okay - I don't know, my physique and mentality are still recuperating... I haven't fully stitched myself back together yet. But then again, everyman is absolutely clueless about these things. Getting them to understand exactly how we feel and whats running through our minds is like literally... talking to the wall 30cm from my face. My dog would understand more.

I shouldn't have given a shite. I shouldn't have made him anything at all. I walked out not bothering to give him a hug. He always complains about hugging him at work anyway. Next thing he'll be complaining why I don't hug him anymore. 3333666660000 degrees over and over and over and over and over again....

Tired tired tired. All this is doing is confirming my/our argument the other night, yes the one where he said where finished its over to me, about how ungrateful and unappreciative he is...... not even a single phone call from him today... yet he is the one always complaining that I don't love him anymore because I never call or message him. I called him 3 times. Calls from him...... well you can guess.

I've completely lost my appetite.

He's going to make me sick if this keeps going on. I've been waiting for him to change........ his excuse of being "I'm a brick-wall you know that" is wearing thin...

sigh. I'm losing my mind, I can't figure out who's wrong or right... I'm tired of trying to figure out what in the hell, in my heart, I didn't do right.

waiting...waiting... waiting...... I still love him, even though I absolutely hate him right now. Tomorrow brings a new day. Hopefully it ends better then this one. I still have hope for us.......................................... am I crazy to still be considering that?

Am I still single....?

2010-08-29T16:39:00.000-07:00

To the people who cared. I realize I have made you all worry over something so silly, so unnecessary... something that should never have happened. Thank-you so so so much for your concern, support and care. I didn't think anyone would be there, I can't tell you how touched I feel. Thank-you again, all of you so much for your messages...

I hope you don't find me as a complete idiot... here is a revised summary of exactly happened in the early hours of the morning. I'm sorry to have made you all worry.

Shota did break up with me last night. This time I didn't refuse and I didn't run back... just accepted it - and I think that shocked him very much. I was single for 3 hours while we fought over ridiculous things. Then we started crying... and he kept saying so your just going to leave me, that I classify as emotional blackmail because he knows I have a soft conscience, and I kept replying well you left me 40 minutes ago and he kept coming back with please don't leave me.

It all seems so childish.

I really thought 3 years was over last night - I'm sure he did too. He doesn't like me discussing every little nitty gritty detail of our relationship to the world - via internet haha. But this is the only place I'm able to express myself freely. No restrictions. Plus it's coming from my mouth, not someone else, therefore you know the facts.

I kept mentioning that I was still single because he did actually say the words 'We're finished. It's over'... I just noticed now that he actually hasn't apologized, only I have.....

I'm a little bit better today... but my heart still hurts... he really did damage it last night... and I'm sure I tore his apart too.

While he was holding me I asked him if that meant, we had to start the relationship all over again because I was single. I can't remember what he said clearly, I think it was something along the lines of 'You'll never be alone, because my heart is always yours and yours mine'

Can't help but feel your heart stitch itself back together slowly.

We ended up falling asleep in each-others arms, with him running his hands through my hair and whispering I love you every 5 minutes before I fell asleep.

I've found that, as long as one or the other keeps coming back with open arms, the relationship will last. Never let the sun set on an argument. Shota came back for me 14 times last night.

....

Shota hasn't asked me to be his girlfriend again... so doesn't that technically mean I am still single? Hahaha.

....

I have come to the conclusion that as long as I still have love for Shota and he still loves me, then I will never leave him. Letting go of your first true love, or what we so blindly consider as our true love, is the biggest mistake you could ever make in my opinion.

2010-08-29T07:42:00.000-07:00

its really over this time.

shota broke up with me.

2010-08-29T07:27:00.000-07:00

I thought I found the one...

it hurts so, so, so much, you can't even comprehend the piercing pain and agony I'm going through right now as I'm sleeping on the floor.... it hurts so much. If this is what a broken heart feels like... then I never want to love again.

I don't know whether tomorrow everything will be okay and I'll end up deleting these posts...... or if it will all be over.

I really don't know.

I feel so sick right now. My chest and stomach are in agony.

2010-08-29T06:43:00.000-07:00

I just want someone... to hold me tight.

I just want someone... to keep me warm.

I just want someone... to handle me as if I would break.

I just want someone... who made me laugh and smile.

I just want someone... who will always be there.

I just want someone... who listens no matter how boring the story.

I just want someone... to appreciate my imagination.

I just want someone... to share my life with.

I just want someone... who won't use me.

I just want someone... who'll be my night in shining armor.

I just want someone... who looks only at me.

I just want someone... who won't yell at me, or scream, or curse.

I just want someone... with some maturity.

I just want someone... who will always be their to pick me up.

I just want someone... who will say sorry even if I'm completely wrong.

I just want someone... to love me for who I am, for all my life... no matter what.

I just want someone... to forever be right here by my side.

Why does it seem that this is so much to ask... this is not asking for perfection in any case.

2010-08-29T06:13:00.000-07:00

I couldn't give a shit if you have a sports car at the age of 20. I wouldn't give a shit if you drove a bomb. I don't give a shit that your parents are loaded. I wouldn't give a shit if you were broke. I don't give a shit if everyone loves you and your mister popularity. I really don't give a shit.

When your partner starts thinking it's okay to verbally abuse you over something so stupid, like dropping a car cleaning cloth on the ground, after paying $60 for his dinner and him demanding to have sex with you, is it time to pack up and leave... even if that meant sacrificing a roof over your head and having to pay 300% more in living expenses?

If he coldly snaps at you, with such ease, as if you were nothing more to him than his play-toy... now your crying all alone, sleeping on the office room floor while he is sleeping, as if nothing happened, in the bed that you solely paid for... what do you do? What would you think? All I do is shut my mouth and hope for a new day to come... I'm wondering, as I sit here with a heart soaked with pain, if it will all be over tomorrow.......

I don't think any girl, should ever, put up with that - The only girl I know, is this love struck idiot, who cares to much about her partners heart, even if it meant suffering excruciating pain caused by so called partner, to even consider leaving.

It's come to the point where he takes everything for granted... if I demanded my $1800 he still owes me since January and upped and left to start a new life alone, or maybe with someone who really cares, who won't treat me like I'm nothing, who'll always hold my hand and give me kisses no matter where we are, I wonder if he'll finally realize that maybe, he should have been a bit more appreciative and thankful.

But... I can't leave him, unless it becomes so much that I can't stand to see his face anymore... if that was the case... I would leave this whole city and move somewhere else that guarantees I never see him in my life again. I'll wait for him to leave me and move on to someone who deserves him more.

3 Days of Winter left.

2010-08-28T05:00:00.000-07:00

One style I put together for Winter. I was so warm. I'm traumatized that Winter is nearing it's end for another year... sigh.

Beret: Morgan & Taylor

Windbreaker: SASCH

Scarf: David Jones

Dress: Style by Shez

Bag: Chanel navy 2.55 reissue

Tights: Silver sparkles.

Thigh high boots: Tony Bianco

Makeup: Revlon foundation, Rojukiss BB Cream, NUDE loose powder, Palgantong Blush, Shiseido eyeliner, Chanel eyeshadow and Dior lipstick.

There are moths flying out of my wallet.

2010-08-28T02:58:00.000-07:00

Pros/Cons: Zesty. Has a hint of lime. Young, fresh and crisp. Great for Summer. Think clear waters, crashing waves and cool breeze! My hairdresser Zarna, from MODSHAIR wears it. I squeezed the name out of her lol. That's how much I love it. For some, it may be a scent you will need to gradually get use to.

Price: $85 EDP 30ml.

Rating: 5/5

Retail therapy-ing today. Shazzamacgazza invited me out as she was down on the GC for Hockey. : ) I missed you so much. I hope Brisbane life treats you well. We enjoyed lunch at Kamekaze Teppanyaki... I love the marble beef there. Bond, one of the Teppanyaki Chefs, also one of THE BEST Teppanyaki chefs on the coast, always ends up giving me the best slice and free food haha. We then shopped around in David Jones for cloths, make-up, shoes and perfume. I purchased a few things, although I skipped the clothing section. Not interested in extremely overpriced clothes that end up coming from China. I may as well just buy them direct there. I have to say, is it me or are the David Jones store assistant really, REALLY stuck-up? There is no one there that looks like they are enjoying their job. There rude and very uptight. Shannon and I waited around for assistance for a very long time. The only DJ assistant who was nice ended up being a visitor from up north. She was beautiful and extremely graceful. I wish she was my grandmother, very lovely mature lady, who helped me with my perfumes. Now I'm sitting here with nothing to do... I've just consumed 3 teas from Hazel Tea House and am dying of boredom and hunger. Sigh. Oh! I visited Alton today. A very friendly and fun store-manager at BARCODE - One of the most fashionable boutiques on the Gold Coast. Edgy, quirky and awesome all in one. He is wonderful, always up for a chat and very helpful with clothing choices.

PS: Van Cleef and Arpels has a new scent!!! OH MY GOD. I was disappointed though. It's much to sweet for my liking. I don't know why so many people stereotype sweet scents with young adults/tweens. I mean come on, I am 20 and I dislike it very much. My nose curdles when I smell Juicy Couture or Vera Wang. I like mature scents. But not falling into the category of OPIUM by Yves Saint Laurent. That would be TOO mature - like, my great grandmother mature. The VC&A bottle itself, is absolutely gorgeous though, blue midnight crystal with a silver plated fairy/nymph on top.

Pros/Cons: I couldn't choose between the Versace and this. So I bought both - When in doubt, buy all. That is how good it is. I would wear both causally. It isn't a formal perfume. It's light and doesn't sting your nostrils. I've been told men are attracted to this scent, something like the LYNX effect, only for women lol. I'll have to test it out!

Price: $69 EDP 30ml [On special]

Rating: 4.5/5

Pros/Cons: The sakura hand cream has a soft floral, non-sickenly sweet scent that doesn't give you a headache and glides easily on your hands. It doesn't leave any oily residue! Keeps hands soft and supple. The soap is gentle and does not dry out your skin.

Price: Hand Cream $29.95 Soap $19.95

Rating: 5/5 for HC. 5/5 for Soap.

The more you refuse, the more they become attracted to you.

2010-08-27T18:26:00.001-07:00

Some men a just fcked up.

Pretty straight-forward logic there.

Can not define it anymore clearly.

I came to the conclusion that Aussie men are animals.

No class. Not even attractive. So tired of them.

____________________________________________________________________________________________

So just now I was looking at sexualized adverts for luxury brands - Inspiration for some modeling poses that may possibly be asked of me in future...

How I would love to be in one of those Calvin Klein, GUCCI or Dolce & Gabbana adverts as one of those supermodels. Yes! Bring on the semi-nudism. They have the most controversial ads. Controversial but extremely attractive and super duper sexy.

____________________________________________________________________________________________

I WANT THOSE GUCCI BOOTS!!! MAGGIE CHEUNG WEARS THEM. Oh and have you seen "In the mood [for love]"? She was absolutely amazing. I suggest you watch it.

These are Dolce & Gabbana Ads. My most favorite brand for mens clothing.

Cup of tea... or a croissant?

2010-08-24T21:05:00.000-07:00

Both the British and French despise each-other just as much when I think about it.

I am in the process of convincing daddy to purchase me a yellow Mini Cooper R53/R56 S or a 4 week trip to Paris... for my 21st birthday. It's still a year away. But I told him it will be my 20th birthday wish that for my 21st, I can choose one. Tragedy - now I can't choose which one. If you had this choice... what would you choose?

Still in the process. Nothing set in concrete. I'll need to pay off the Westpac card first and be a good girl, work hard and study hard he said. That sounds simple......... I think.

Rachel May Tan Photography

2010-08-23T05:46:00.000-07:00

A human being who has no time to explore and expand their imaginations, will never come to understand, nor appreciate, the beauty of the still world captured through the lens of a camera.

1970s Women's Day. Hahaha.

Okay, time for the real Rachel May Tan & Kenny Hong snapshots now.

The Old Flour Mill.

2010-08-21T17:06:00.000-07:00

More coming soon...

Muse.

2010-08-21T07:45:00.000-07:00

Photographers: Rachel May Tan & 'Kenny' Hong.

Model: Me : ) 'Susi'.

Location: Ipswich Old Flour Mill.

Some girls should wash their mouth out.

2010-08-20T06:07:00.000-07:00

Booval on the Ipswich line with up-and-coming photographer Rachel Tan tomorrow. Rachel has been featured in the ninety two magazine for her stunning photography work. She wants to shoot me in an abandoned house/mansion? Now that is daring lol. Miss Tan is definitely someone you should keep your eyes out for. Going to have a milk bath now, then do a few stretches and go to sleep. I should have been asleep 3 hours ago. I saw Ayami and Mizuki tonight... well Ayami spotted me because I'm blind as a bat. They were both gorgeous and Ayami, super pretty and stylish as always. I felt like an ugly duckling. Sorry if I seemed a tad stiff, you caught me at a bad time. I had a bad headache and I was enjoying being in the company of racists pigs next to me. Not happy.

My ears are hurting right now... ouch what is wrong with them.

THE FOLLOWING ARE NOT MY PHOTOGRAPHS NOR ARE THEY OWNED BE ME. THEY ARE THE WORK OF EXTREMELY TALENTED PHOTOGRAPHER RACHEL MAY TAN.

When the US dollar goes down...

2010-08-18T15:58:00.000-07:00

That clearly means that it is time... TO BUY BUY BUY!!!! At 89.79 to the USD dollar, that is the best I have seen this month. So hello long-paused online shopping. I finally purchased a few headbands to add to my collection of... zero lol. : ) How humiliating it is to own zero headbands... unthinkable. I never use to enjoy placing anything of any sort on my head. I always managed to give myself a very bad headache in less then 10 minutes of wearing it. But these days, I wanted to be a tad more in touch with my feminine side - while still keeping away from the cutie-cute girl.

I think it's an insult to be called cute... really... puppies are cute, ducklings are cute, babies are cute... old grandmothers are cute, but grown women should be complimented with either beautiful, stunning or gorgeous. I can't stand adult women who want to be cute, they should learn to embrace maturity, elegance and grace. Although Grace does not come so easily and only a hand-full of particular women can be labeled graceful. Cute women, honest to god, make me dry-reach.

The following are all lovingly hand-made headbands from South Korea. What better way to spend my money! You can purchase them from one of my favorite and most trusted headband stores on eBay. Her store is called sodamnkawaii. In regards to ratings, here they are : )

Service: Excellent

Postage time: Fast

Pricing: Good

Quality: Perfect

Click here to see her shop.

2010-08-18T05:43:00.000-07:00

The most painful goodbyes, are the ones that are never said and explained.

2010-08-16T18:14:00.000-07:00

|| The Outfit ||

Top: Sportsgirl. Australia.

Rings: Korean Jeweler

I really like this Sportsgirl knit sweater : ) You can get it at the store for $69.95 now. It is a very mellow pink/apricot shade.
In regards to make up. CHANEL, SHISEIDO and Maybelline - > I think that is how you spell it.

2 week notice.

2010-08-15T20:30:00.000-07:00

I have test-shooting for Lita Studios in 2 weeks... can I really tone up my body that quickly? Lol. Running and sumo squatting every afternoon? I feel like Flubber... that green extraterrestrial goo; wiggles and jiggles when it walks - something like a water bed. There is something mesmerizing about wiggly-jiggly things, can't quite pin point it. I'm cruel aren't I. I should take before and after pics of my legs and stomach haha. Maybe it can motivate some of you to know I'm not as slim as you think I am.

First time this year.

2010-08-14T08:03:00.001-07:00

Shopping in an actual retail store, Sportsgirl in Surfers Paradise at 8:00pm to be exact, that isn't located in the Internet. This will be my last time I think... so expensive.

I purchased 2 tops.

The one I am wearing was $49.95

The other knit top is $69.95

Ridiculous. But I really loved them. Plus I have been extremely thrifty lately. Thought I deserved a reward.

I won't even start.

2010-08-14T06:23:00.001-07:00

I realize I posted this entry already. But I'll post it again because the words written here, mean so much too me beyond anyones imagination.

I'm just listening to the clock go ticking, I'm waiting as the time goes by. I think of you with every breath I take I need to feel your heart beat next to mine. You're all I see... in everything. I just want to hold you, I just want to kiss you, I just want to love you all my life. I normally wouldn't say this, but, I just can't contain it, I want you here forever right here by my side. All the fears you feel inside and all the tears you've cried, they're ending right here. I'll heal your heart and soul, I'll keep you all so close, don't worry, I'll never let you go. You're all I need. You're everything. No one else would ever do, I've got a stubborn heart for you, call me crazy but it's true, I love you. I didn't think that it would be, but you made it clear for me, you're all I need.

__________________________________________________________________________

What happened after last summer when we broke up in September. I haven't seen you, feels like a long time. Sometimes it still hurts, but I always get by. I still got a piece of you under my skin, it's always there no matter where I've been. So if I ever see you on the street, I'll pretend that I didn't see and turn my face no use for small talk anyway. Because if I finally look into your eyes, then I'll have to say good-bye and that would break my heart, so I won't even start. I wish you luck and I wish it true, that's the best I can do for you. Because you'll probably find love in someone new, I have to let go, yeah it's hard to do. So if I run into you with your arm by her side, just to let you know, it would cut me like a knife.

I'll be okay, that's what I'll say. So I won't even start.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Plus you all must be dying to finally be granted permission to see my horrible un-photoshopped face.

See, I'm not pretty or perfect after all. Pretty much your average plain Jane. Look, I even zoomed up to show you all my pores. ; )By the way, who said only cats could create hair-balls...

Madame Grenouille

2010-08-13T14:12:00.000-07:00

Off to breakfast at this beautiful place. 7:00am and I'm feeling great my little froggy friends. However, my body is still adapting to the early weekend rise. Pictures later : )

|| The Outfit ||
Scarf: EASTBOY. Japan
Windbreaker: Miss Shop

Well it worked. My hair turned out okay using traditional methods. No hair damaging straightener! : )

So lovely. Nice atmosphere.

French style savory crepe with side caesar salad.

Hot chocolate. Full cream weak. Just how I like it.

The best Macaroons on the Gold Coast. My favorite is Pistachio and Vanilla. Passion-fruit and Malibu is nice as well. : )

All I hear are angels crying... why won't they just sing instead...

2010-08-13T02:54:00.001-07:00

The ones we love tend to stay in our hearts and minds long after the relationship ends. While some move on quickly, others dwell and heal at a much slower pace. Whatever the case, the thoughts, emotions and memories we experience during this time are heart wrenching-ly powerful and real and will stay imprinted in our hearts forever. This song is beyond beautiful. So much feeling. Easy going. I think you guys would like it. David basically has my Friday night figured out lol. Would you believe me if I said the singer is Korean? He is... adorable. I like him. I cried when I saw the video clip. I'm such a sook. ^^'

That Girl.

Oh, tonight I'm feeling fine
I'm alone, just wasting time
No Friday movie nights
Or romantic candle lights

I'm just having conversations
With the thoughts in my head
All I hear are angels crying
Oh, won't they just sing instead
It would be wrong for me to say

I don't need that girl by my side
I don't need that girl in my life
I don't want to talk it out
Or hold her when she cries

I don't want to say she's my kind
I don't want to say that she's mine
I don't want to tell her that
I love her more than life

Honestly, this won't do
How is she doing?
I tell myself I'm feeling swell
But I know I'm such a fool

I could take it as a new beginning
But you know I don't feel that way
Who will take all this pain away?

-david choi.

Congratulations! You've reached $-0.02 balance.

2010-08-12T15:06:00.001-07:00

Oh my god!!! It feels sooooo gooooood! I just had to let the world know that I finally payed off and shredded my Bank West platinum credit card. *Shzzzzzzzzz* It is in 10 tiny pieces now. :D I feel liberated rofl. [o^-^o] Now I need to pay off fathers Westpac platinum. Still, I am completely over the moon right now! I feel a good weekend coming! *touches wood* Let's not jynx myself.

Life and death emergency here... I cant seem to find the meat.

2010-08-12T04:18:00.000-07:00

Well don't I look ravishingly impressed.

|| The Outfit ||

Sweater: BECAUSE. Korea.

Top: MercuryDuo. Japan.

Hazel Tea House Spicy Pork Hotpot.

... Where is... the meat? [oi ^ io]... It must be frightened because I can't seem to find it.

It wasn't half bad - the service was perfect, BUT, we Thais are well known for our cast iron stomaches and very strong flavored cuisine - so in conclusion the soup tasted like drinking water. I gave up trying to find my microscopic meat particles and ended up ordering 5 x more beef, 2 x more rice and a hell of a lot of that sauce that comes with it at $3.00 each. Next time I will just bring the fish sauce and chilli and flavor the damn soup myself... I wish Second Home was still operating. They had the best Kimchi Hotpot. Gay. : (

Shellshocked.

2010-08-11T18:25:00.001-07:00

After becoming a Kandy girl...

It seem this event has opened up possible future paths. Obviously not set in concrete yet. I'm not sure what I want to do. But the owner of this Asian Modeling Studio has requested me to meet with him this Saturday.

Lita Studios

Wait for the home-page to load... there are romantic story snapshots I fell in love with.

The photos are professional, smart and... some tell beautiful stories.

I really don't know what I can do, I am not that impressive and I certainly do not have the qualities nor height of a model... But I would be happy to help out in anyway. : ) I'm not clear on instructions yet, but it seem he wants me to be a stylist and model for the shoots? I really don't know.

... I am having self esteem issues...... The model on this sit are absolutely stunning. They are oh so skinny, they are pure Asians and they have the looks for a model....... what on earth do I have? T-T

I'm definitely crazy for you.

2010-08-11T01:22:00.000-07:00

____________________________________________________________________________________________________

I changed the she's to he's so that I could confirm to myself, while reading this, that I am not gay lol. Some special connection happening between me and verse 2.

"...Now usually, the man I am talking about is the worst treated - but first needed - to help me get through my problems. He's heard it all, seen them come and go, even though I hurt him time and time again, he's still right there to help me solve them. Telling me I, deserve so much better then what I'm dealing with, showing me they ain't there for me and he isn't feeling it, telling me that it's your life, do what you have to do but I bet you'll come right back, and, what's crazy is - I did exactly what he said and came right back."

___________________________________________________________________________________________________

Too attend another birthday party or not to. Lol this time I REALLY, MOST DEFINITELY don't know who the person is... but at least there is a chance he and I won't even meet on this night haha. Daniel Tsai. It's at the next Memory Arena Event. He seems nice - through a computer screen, not sure about that in real life... kidding haha... who to go with though. That is a tough one.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________

Maggie. I. AM. SO. SORRY. : ( I really wanted to see you too but GOD I couldn't see any-ones faces and you all probably thought I was some stuck up non talking bitch whose hands were partially shaking while giving Cameron his birthday present. I couldn't stay. I didn't want my presence to upset one of the guests that may have attended. I must have looked like a complete dork. I want to meet you in a less uncomfortable situation!! Maybe if it's just Sayuri, Cameron, Hideki you and me haha.

I'm so, so, so sorry for making you worry Cameron, you too Sayuri.

____________________________________________________________________________________________________

Epic entrance and exit.

2010-08-10T06:41:00.001-07:00

Ayami Chosa, for the 150th time, you. are. so. beautiful. You are the most astoundingly interesting girl I have ever met that I can connect to with so many similar interest. I felt completely inferior to you tonight. I felt like...... an ugly blob haha. It was great to have you as company! We will definitely do it again... maybe in a less awkward situation. Oh by the way, news announcement, AYAMI CHOSA CAN SING PEOPLE. We had 2 hours of Karaoke. It vanquished my migraine believe it or not. But I still have a flu.

___________________________________________________________________

Oh. It was one hell of a classic moment.

"Hi Cj.

Happy Birthday Cj.

Bye CJ."

*RUN AWAY*

Ayami and I, gone with the wind all in a record breaking 30 seconds.

I warned you.... I don't 'do' well in large crowd situations... especially ones where you walk into the room, everything goes dead silent and there are 15 pairs of eyes on you of whom you can't even see their faces - and you don't know anyone. Well that was Ayami and me tonight experiencing that invigorating... experience. We must have looked so stupid........ I looked horrible.

I'm an Artist. Not a realist. I don't bore people with logic. I let them dream with no limit.

2010-08-09T04:22:00.000-07:00

Thank-you guys... I feel warm and fuzzy Lol!

Naomi Janega, Jenny Chiang and 洛心恩 like this.
- Naomi Janega ‎*sigh* its scary to think that i cannot stop looking at you... why are you always so attractive dammit lolol not matter what sex we are i think we all fall for you lol

Mr. Lo... If only I had met you before you left for Sydney. Two artists. No realists. So much potential. Too bad. Sigh. Shopping and discussing fashion with you would have been absolutely amazing. Gosh, I was reading something quite depressing today... and it made me realize that... the people who end up taking their own lives... had the most hauntingly beautiful souls with the most powerful potential to shine. Only, no one cared to listen. Some of the stories that I've read are so damn heart wrenching. Don't ask me what started me on that topic but there was a news report on suicide rates around the world. It is just so sad.

Kah-Seng Lo Seriously Susi you make me sad that we didn't meet up sooner I so would of made you the official model to do photography with because I really like your use of makeup ^^

I feel like I could be your possible Muse.

Thank-you.

There is a friends boyfriends birthday party tomorrow night at a Japanese restaurant. I would go, but too bad I'm not acquainted to anyone. Sitting there not knowing the other guests would feel highly uncomfortable and I would feel very stupid. I think I will just drop off a card... if I'm not tied back managing the head office. Mmm.

Weekend ending.

2010-08-08T06:44:00.000-07:00

I've been told my face has become chubbier... well I'm starting to embrace a bit of chubby-ness. Better then looking gaunt. By the way, I now weigh 50kg. I put on 7kg and I feel no regrets - so to all you skinny celery chomping zombie zoids -> I feel bloody fantastic. Plus I've been told I look better then ever. : ) I don't get sick anymore as well.

Yuuuuuuuuuuuurm! From the Ferry Road Markets Chocolatier shop. My auntie bought it for me as a thank-you gift for taking her on an outing. *Drool* Oh this was sinfully wonderful.

What would I do without the ability to shop online.

I didn't get up to much this weekend... except stuff my face full of fatty goodness and 5 hazel teas in 2 hours... I did, however, spend quite a bit of money as well. Here is my latest haul :D I will definitely write reviews for these products... Would you like it if I took before and after shots for the cremes and pills? You know... I am trusting this online retail site wholly on their Chinese to English translation... for all I know I could be consuming some strange and seriously unhealthy ingredients. [ㄱ.ㄱ]

I'll have to explain this in detail sometime later this week. I have to manage the head office today, it's 12am, as the administration boss will be away, so I'll be straight to hit the sack after this diary entry.

Those smelly balls... I know, that doesn't sound right hey haha - are for your car. : )

My partners mother bought goodies back for me ^ ^... as you can see she was fed up with me not wearing socks and catching a cold.

Goodnight everyone! Have a lovely day tomorrow! ... by the way... is anyone else still waiting for their tax return... I know the ATO's E-tax system crashed but... 3 weeks is a little excessive. I better get my $1.5k or I'll be vicious. Government... you're dealing with a bunch of pr*cks that are absolutely hopeless when it comes to answering your questions.

Say Cheeze.

2010-08-08T06:14:00.000-07:00

|| THE OUTFIT ||

Jacket: SLY. Japan.

Top: Kikishop. Korea.

Necklace: Barcode.

PS: No I didn't chop my locks off haha.

Jiggle-stumps.

2010-08-07T18:26:00.000-07:00

I'm sure that at least once in our lives... we will attend a high class buffet restaurant and have the tendency to rape the all-you-can-eat desert display. Oh yes, I went savage with that desert spoon.

The Head Chefs loves it when I do that.

I've also adopted a new nickname which I strongly disagree upon - Jiggle-stumps. Somehow my partner, in some distant planet that he lives on where my authority supposedly does not reach him, has decided to combine my old school nickname 'Stumpy', with 'Jigglypuff' - Yes. That oversized, pink, ate-one-too-many-marshmellows Pokemon. Simply the gentlemen isn't he?

Oh god. It felt so good to eat sweet cakes again.

No tears. No pain. No games. No time for yesterday.

2010-08-07T05:52:00.000-07:00

No tears.. no tears... no more... we're done crying now ♡

No pain... no pain... I said I found another way ♡

No games, not like before, not up here on this cloud... ♡

No time for yesterday... just let me explain... ♡

I got a new man, loving me in every-way that he can... ♡

All he wants to be is part of my plan... ♡

Safe to say that I'm in a better way, a better way. ♡

No stress... no fuss... no fights, when I'm in his arms... ♡

No time, no day, no night, no there's nothing better... ♡

So much more than okay, when life is made of this... ♡

... no him, no me, no way. ♡

Does anybody understand - that I'm in love, and I think I found the real thing... ♡

The kind of love that makes your heart say... ♡

You've got me saying lalalalalalala-Love. ♡

Fétiche; 3. Any object, activity, etc, to which one is excessively or irrationally devoted.

2010-08-07T05:22:00.000-07:00

For... wait for it... DESTROYED mesh knits. Yes. It's still knitwear and you all already know I adore knits... but it is DESTROYED... so it is new news to me! Don't all look so bored now. Although this new top makes it look as if I was forever having the threads attach themselves to doorways and tables.

Dreamer.

2010-08-07T05:03:00.000-07:00

I think everyone hits a point in time, in life, where they don't know what the eff to do... yeah... I'm pretty much smack-bam in the middle somewhere. Being brought up by a realist father, 'following my dreams', quote '... is a fairy tale for no goers.' He's so admirable no? I'm the one running around at the age of 13 with a bunch of big colorful balloons full of future dreams in my hands, while he's the one running behind me with a needle ready to pop them when he can.

Bang. Pop. Bang... and I'm all out of dreams.